GUEST EDIT: HEALER JEN MOORE ON STUFF, GETTING RID OF IT, AND GROWING WITH HOLDING ONTO LESS
A GUEST POST FROM ONE OF OUR FAVORITES, JEN MOORE OF SHADOW LIGHT HEALING on LETTING GO OF “STUFF” AND MAKING ROOM FOR REALNESS.
PHOTO GOOGLE TEXT JEN MOORE
I spent the past two weeks moving from New York City to upstate New York with my fiancé Michael. I grew up near the city and spent 12 glorious years living there. Michael grew up in upstate, but I am very much a “city person,” so this was a huge change for me.
Moving is a daunting task in many ways. Carefully packing your entire life into boxes takes time, and it also forces you to examine everything you own. It forces you to examine your life and the memories associated with each item as they are wrapped in bubble wrap and transported to a new home.
The first thing we tackled were my closets. They were overflowing with clothing I hadn’t so much as looked at in the past 5 years, but for some reason, I had a very difficult time getting rid of my “pieces.” Every time I came across something that I couldn’t decide on, I would show it to Michael. He would ask something like “when will you ever wear that?” or “do you really need 10 kimonos?”
I was reminded of the scene from Sex and the City where Carrie and Aidan are moving in together and fight about having too much “stuff.” Aidan tells Carrie that she never wears most of the clothing she has, to which she replies “yet!” He pulls a top from the closet, torn with intentional holes, wondering what she needs it for. Carrie quickly recalls the exact time and place that she wore it last and proclaims her love for it. After an eye roll from Aidan, Carrie realizes that she “was holding on to a Roberto Cavalli outfit and throwing away my relationship,” and decides to part with the top.
On the first pass through my closet, separating the keepers from the donations, I realized I was keeping almost all of it. I might wear these clothes someday, I bought that when I was 15, I wore this to… I was holding on to clothing because of memories from the past, or the idea that I might need it someday. I had no physical room for all of it, but in my mind, I needed them. I couldn’t let go.
As human beings we spend our lives collecting things. These things become part of our identity. Clothing, decorations, personal notes, furniture… we believe that these things make up a large portion of who we are. They may represent success, or a past relationship. They could represent a particularly good portion of your life, or a great trip you took years ago. We want to remember experiences or remind ourselves to stay away from certain people or behaviors. The things we collect become tokens through which we can exist.
That’s why it’s so hard to get rid of things. We believe that letting the object go is also letting the memory go. It is letting go of a piece of your identity.
On the second pass, I started to realize that a lot of the things I was holding on to no longer fit in my life. My style has changed, my relationships have changed, and most importantly, my values have changed. There was no room in my closet or my life for someone else, and I had to create the space for new memories and my new life. I began to let go of more and more clothing. As the donation pile grew, I began to feel lighter physically and mentally. I was freeing myself of my past. I realized that I could always hold onto the memories, and the ones worth remembering would be with me forever, even if I decided to let go of the item associated with it.
While we spend our lives collecting things and memories, we also grow. Our identities change and evolve, and who we are today is most likely completely different than who were the last time we wore our version of the Robert Cavalli top. It is very easy to cling to the things we own and the identities we have lived because they are familiar. We find comfort in familiarity and decide to live in the past or predict the future. We fill our closets and homes with the past, hoarding memories and things so that we can look at them while we move, carefully repacking and storing them for next time.
This move allowed me to acknowledge my growth. I realized how much I was holding onto and I chose to let go. I started prioritizing the real over the superficial. I let go of the clutter and made room for my new life (and 10 Kimonos) in a new home. I felt free of the weight that was holding me down and I started living in the present and looking towards the future. It is easy to forget the things that truly matter in this life, but usually they aren’t actually “things.” They are people, experiences, love, and friendship.
Identifying and letting go of the clutter in your life is not only cleansing for your closet, but also cleansing for your soul. Make room for all of the good in your life and the things that are truly important. Let go of the past and allow who you are now to flourish.